A Month Away!

In one short month I will be seeing a doctor, for the first time, to discuss HRT options. What a journey to get to this point and, yes, I am nervous.

Nervous, you ask? Of course.

So, here's the thing: after nearly 50 years of fighting myself, I find it to be a hard habit to break. If I was good a that, I would have broken it much sooner.

Here I am, though, in my early 50s, feeling like I'm about to re-enter puberty and it's scary. Is it the right thing? Am I making a mistake? Am I being caught up in my emotions, the time and place we're in?

I do feel some element of my own sense of mortality playing a role here. I am in my 50s. The world is not what it was. I think that is a factor, I'd be lying to myself if I said otherwise. I feel like time is running out for me.

I am a product of my generation's upbringing. I've shrugged away much of the nonsense pseudo-science that surrounded the LGBT community of that day, but your history has a powerful hold on your subconscious mind and that rises, often in my dreams now, it seems.

Well and all, it's a month away. I'm a little anxious, a lot nervous, and feeling giddy and excited at the same time. I guess that's the spice of life, no?