Being Me

Nothing worse than seeing casual transphobia on supposedly trans blogs and sites.

I experienced an incredibly strong emotional response today and I am left trying to really understand the origin of it... sharing it helps me think about it.

I find I really bristle at the old terms MtF (M2F) or FtM (F2M) for trans experiences. Like the term "transsexual," it's quite dated and shows a lack of growth in understanding of gender as we are seeing it today.

Amongst the many things I would like cis people to understand about trans people, and trans women in particular, is that being trans does not immediately equate to having an appreciation or liking for drag.

So, on December 4th, the National Post front page had a story lede that claimed a 16 year old girl transitioned after two quick doctor's appointments and then regretted it.

As a software engineer, and a leader of software engineers, I often think about the user experience. Almost every piece of software I have worked on, or been responsible for, has had a connection to the average consumer. Awareness of the consumer is critical.

I've seen this countless times in my life, I can't even tell you how often any more. It's been a constant presence in my life as far as I can remember: the notion that you can shame men using imagery of them as a women and girls.

There is something to be said for an unexpected cry that you had no idea you really needed, but actually did. It's deeply healing and something that was absent from my life before.

It seems like a neverending stream of hate is directed towards us in the LGBTQ+ community and time and again we're told that it's just a fringe, that the majority supports us. Where is that majority? They feel very absent to me. 

So, I recently decided that I would dip my toe back into a Q&A site, Stack Exchange's Photography site, where I was once a moderator... turns out, the stove was hot and I got burned by it. Content warning: transphobic slurs in an image.

I want to talk about gender questing as a bit of a follow-on from my recent post about using "identifies as" with respect to gender.

It is often revealing to watch the ebb and flow of Twitter, you can learn a lot about the ugly side of humanity on the site as bigotry runs rampant, but you can also see the many allies that are stepping up. However, there are some disconcerting trends with allies too...

The expression "identifies as" gets used a lot when talking about trans and non-binary people. It's also used by a lot of bigots to denigrate the trans experience. It's an expression that I would like to see fade away.

I have a firm rule about where I put my money when it comes to online services: I have no tolerance for bigotry. I simply won't fund it.

What's in a dream? For much of my life, I couldn't really tell you because I very, very, rarely ever remembered them. However, recently, that seems to be changing and I find that, plus some of the contents, really quite interesting.

A truism of the trans experience is that, every time you turn around, there appears to be a gate that one must pass. Inevitably that gate has a keeper and I have yet to encounter one in which the keeper isn't cis. 

This question made the rounds on Twitter recently and it's a powerful and deeply interesting one I think. However, before I dive into how it feels for me, I want to be clear: dysphoria is not a requirement for being trans.

I've been blogging about changing your name and gender marker here and there, so now that is basically done for me, I thought I would share some tips I learned along the way,

While I fully came out in January of this year, the real start of my journey was on July 6th, 2020. That evening, shortly after dinner, I took my first dose of Estradiol and started walking the path that has set me free. It makes me smile, in hindsight, to recall that I took that first dose with all of the gravitas and ceremony of a morning vitamin, I have a knack for sailing past the big moment. I think, as I took the pills out of the bottle, I was just telling myself to get on with it and so I did. Nevertheless, a year has passed and, wow, what a year it has been. Physically, a lot of change has happened, some subtle, some not quite so much. My skin is softer and less oily. I get cold in a sauna. I have acquired a surprisingly deep love of 95% dark chocolate. More noticeable is that I am also reshaping in response to one of nature's most powerful biological chemicals. Each of these, and more, are an incredible source of affirmation for me. It is difficult to convey to cis people ...

  Since I have gotten my legal name change all in order, I have been in the process of updating a lot of ID and services from my deadname. Some are easy, some less so, then there are the banks...

  Just some rambling thoughts about paperwork and journals... 

This past Friday, I finally received my new birth certificate with my name and my true gender on it. Legally me and somehow, way more than I expected, validating.

It seems whenever trans issues are discussed, inevitably bathrooms come into the discussion. However, seldom is this discussed based on the trans perspective... 

Recently, in the UK, there was testimony to members of the British parliament that Doctors were telling trans women that they were not wearing enough lipstick. Let that sink in.

As I progress in my transition, the image of who I used to be feels almost like they're in a fog, clouded by time and space. Memories of the past don't disappear, but how you engage with them matters.

We've seen this many times, somebody says or does something that is racist, homophobic, transphobic, or anti-semetic in some way and the truth of that gets pointed out to them. However, rather than apologizing and learning from it, they double down in defense with "I have a ... friend" defense.

My company hosts an annual Women in Tech Experience, a multi-day event with talks, teaching, and other learning opportunities from all regions of the company. As part of that experience, I was asked to do a lightning talk on my experience where people helped with my dreams. Now, obviously, I did not talk about this in the context of career dreams, but much more personally and from the lens of an environment of inclusion. Now that the event is past, I wanted to share the text of my speech, with the names of the guilty redacted. 😊 I was born a little less than a year before the Stonewall Riots, a watershed moment in the development of LGBTQ+ rights. But that was just the beginning of what is still a significant battle for equality almost 52 years later. As I speak here today, across 33 States there are more than 100 pieces of legislation aimed at curtailing trans rights or suppressing our very existence. I live in a world where my right to personal dignity, to be treated with respect, t...

  I chose a strong term, violence, for a very good reason...

Every year, on March 31st, we celebrate the lives and achievements of trans people around the world. It's a day for those of us who are visible to tell our stories and, more importantly, to be visible for those who cannot be.

Trans health care is a difficult at the best of times, many Doctors are unaware of the general standards of care ( WPATH ) and how to apply them and so quite often just avoid addressing it. So when it comes to healthcare, trans people often turn to clinics known to be trans supportive.

  Yesterday I made the third significant step in my transition and now I wait.

I was very deeply honoured and, I will admit, not a little frightened to be asked to share my story for #IWD2021. This was a work event, and so I can't share the video replay on here, but I can share the text of what I had to say today.

There’s been some recent news around the rebranding of the Mr. Potato Head line to drop the “Mr.” as a part of the overall branding strategy. The characters of Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head would still exist, and be sold, but the overall branding is being changed to be more inclusive. All in all, a pretty innocuous change, I think, but not to the world of social media. I hesitated to post this, I'll be very honest, but I cannot begin to change my corner of the world without making some, who are closer to me, a little uncomfortable. So, yes, some who read this may well read themselves into the post, but before you get defensive, please ask yourself why you are feeling that way. The reason it’s on my mind at all, despite being well past the age of actually caring about a toy potato, is the casual transphobia that arose as a result of the news. Whether it was meme jokes showing a confused Mr. Potato Head unable to pee at a urinal or a collection of posts and comments along the line of “He...

The other day, in a discussion, a member of the group I was with commented, "We're so lucky to have Jo here, she can give us the male perspective." Sigh.

I'm sure there's a fairly decent chance that you've seen that meme, the one with Archie Bunker and George Jefferson laughing it up and lamenting the fact that we can't make jokes like we used to. Well, keep lamenting as I, for one, have no desire to return to those times.

I had a moment the other day, one that I seldom recall ever encountering in the past and that was, quite simply, a moment of belonging.

I tweeted the other day “one of the things that feels really good about being out is that I feel like I can finally react to things from friends and family like I always wanted to.” I don’t think I can overstate the sense of emotional happiness that stems from that simple truth.

I am in love with the new M1 Macs! The reason? Voice therapy. Okay, it's not the only reason, these are really, really, good computers, but for the context of this blog, it's voice. 😄

As I have started to more formally direct my transition, having come out professionally at work and personally through a few different channels, I have also begun the process of updating my name across the vastness that is the Internet...

We talk about bringing your whole self to work, a lot, especially in my company and I have spent a lot of my past not doing that at all. That is over.

Today marks the 6 month point on HRT which, for me, is a pretty significant way point on my journey.

So, what a very strange year that was...