I mentioned to a friend, yesterday, that I'm at a place of 95% squeal and 5% holy shit this is a BIG thing. It is a big thing, I would be lying if I said otherwise, because I think we all feel that moment in front of us.
I guess, in some ways, going from knowing nothing to having a date a month away is really good. Too much to get done to leave you to over think the possibilities. The information is intimidating, there's a lot of work and discomfort, even pain, ahead of me as I recover and yet that just tightens my resolve.
I'm on the last day of HRT before my surgery and, I will not lie, I'm uncomfortable as hell with stopping it. I'll do it though, because I will do everything they ask to the letter, but oof. It's been two and half years without any testosterone of significance in the system and 3 weeks of it? Yuck. Eventually the clinic will catch up to the WPATH on this.
Anyways, big thing that it is, there is a lot to get ready. So, all my actual pre-care and aftercare supplies are in place. There is a lot, but all of it quite easy to get. The hardest was the surgical soap that you need to use a couple of times before, chlorhexidine 4%, but I did manage to dig it up on Amazon. I think that's why we tend to pass this around to our sisters when their turn comes, the bottle is big and two uses barely uses it.
Outside of the care supplies, I actually had to clothing shop! Which, for me, is something of a surprise, because I do like to shop and I have a wicked addiction to Kate Spade and Ted Baker clothing. However, as it turns out, I tend to like more form fitting when it comes to skirts and I wanted to make sure I had some looser options. Also, I needed nightgowns. I had some ages ago, but the last time I wore a nightgown to bed, I was in University.
My favourite retail therapy store, when it comes to clothing, is La Maison Simons, a Quebec-based chain that has a few stores in other provinces. Every time I go, I find things that I like, and they have such a great range of options and they always feel chic. No difference this time.
My Ex and I have a great routine every 5-6 weeks where we get our hair done together, get some lunch, shop (Simons is almost always a stop), and then have dinner. No real difference this week, except that I was in an absolute minimize exposure mode and so we skipped eating in restaurants, wore N95 masks, and power shopped Simons for what I needed.
So, while there, I got two skirts, three nightgowns, a robe, three pairs of over the knee socks, and a pair of knee high socks. Since I can't wear tights for a while, and will be in skirts, over the knee socks seemed like the best option for warmth. Also, two of the nightgowns feel divine to the touch, as does the robe, so I hope all of it will be nice and cozy while I am recovering.
If my ongoing shopping experiences are anything to go by, all I can say to you all is be prudent in shopping your first few years on HRT, your body will keep changing on you. When I started this journey, I was a size 12, or large, and now I am often in size 6 or small/extra-small clothing but can fluctuate up to an 8 or medium pretty consistently. All I know is that none of my pre-transition experience is of value and I have to force myself to stop guessing my size based on what I think it should be.
Anyways, despite being size shocked yesterday, I am all set! Now all I need to do is store snuggles from my cat before the takes an extended vacation for 8 weeks while I recover.
It is a big thing (I'm trying to avoid all the possible double entendres) but totally worth it. Like many of my trans siblings there was a moment in the hospital bed when I had the "OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE" moment, but it was just a passing moment. It's five years later now and I simply can't remember what it felt like before, for me many of the benifits were unexpected emotional ones rather than the more obvious physical ones.
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